Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Randomize