The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
