call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
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