i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
whose parrot is this?
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
