last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Randomize
