clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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