Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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