also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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