can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
i barfeds in our rink
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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