someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
