Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
