well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
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