This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I'm too high and old for this...
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
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