Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
sarcasm needs its own font
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize
