You smell like a Billy Joel song
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
