I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
