Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
