Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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