4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
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