I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize
