yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
