Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
