I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
