I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
