These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
When are your genitals available?
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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