just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
