He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
You pole danced in your parka.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
