yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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