Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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