Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
You ate ashes out of my bong
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...