Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?