i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.