I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
21 Dirty Secrets From Bachelor/Bachelorette Parties That Have Destroyed Marriages
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
23 Fathers Confess The Best Way They’ve Messed With Their Daughter’s Boyfriend
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?