the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
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he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I love how my cats smell like pot.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
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Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.