these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
29 “I’m Getting Old” Moments
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
19 Worst Song Lyrics of All Time
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.