He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Contemplating These 27 Questions Will Make Your Brain Explode
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
25 People Confess The Most Shocking Things They’ve Ever Seen In Public
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.