I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
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Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
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ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
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