ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
