I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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