I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I would ride that face into the sunset
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
