I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
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I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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