Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
well most of my day revolves around power hour
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
