i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Randomize
