just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
