they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
