you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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