Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Randomize
