We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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