mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
