best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
