and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
