I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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