i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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