YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
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