"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
