3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
someone threw a dead crab at me
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Randomize
