the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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