I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Randomize
