My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
