jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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