shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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