good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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