I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
