ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
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