I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
