Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I'm just crazy horny about you
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
