xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
