Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Randomize
