my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
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If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I need to calm my uterus...
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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