he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize
