omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
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